The Cost of Feeling Clean & Organized
Being clean and being organized are two very different things. I was raised to be clean and I feel that most my life I have continued that fabulous tradition of having a clean bathroom, kitchen and a tidy house when people come to visit. I thank my mother many times a year for this gift of being a clean freak that she instilled in me, because it really does help later in life when “keeping house”. I was not raised to be organized. My family tree is to blame, they are/were chronically disorganized and suffer from a little denial, they passed down the habit of becoming attached to stuff. The families have different backgrounds but overall depression era habits have been passed down and on to everyone and Hoarding is now a reality. I have chosen to BREAK this habit and change my Generational Habit. I don’t want my child and future children to live in a world full of trash consumed by the “newest craze” and wasting money, resources, and time dealing with STUFF.
*Sidenote: In 9th grade I had an English teacher, Mrs. Weathers, whom I despised because my charming attitude did nothing for her and I ended up with a C in her class due to not being a good student. She taught me that “stuff” & “things” were not descriptive enough for writing, however in this post I will have to use those words because the amount of items are too great to list. Mrs. Weathers thank you for teaching me that charm doesn’t write an article or get you an A, only time and hard work will do that! However, forgive my use of “stuff” and “things”.
Hoarding is such an ugly word and I think that is why we hoarders hate it! No one WANTS to be ugly, or show off their ugliness but I am here to expose my TRUTH and hopefully help someone else in the phase of their hoarding that needs to be dealt with.
Wikipedia explains hoarding as: Compulsive hoarding (or pathological hoarding or disposophobia) is the excessive acquisition of possessions (and failure to use or discard them), even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. Compulsive hoarding impairs mobility and interferes with basic activities, including cooking, cleaning, showering, and sleeping. A person who engages in compulsive hoarding is commonly said to be a “pack rat”, in reference to that animal’s characteristic hoarding.
It is not clear whether compulsive hoarding is an isolated disorder, or rather a symptom of another condition, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. The acquisition of and failure to discard a large number of possessions that appear to be useless or of limited value
- Living spaces sufficiently cluttered so as to preclude activities for which those spaces were designed
- Significant distress or impairment in functioning caused by the hoarding
- Reluctance or inability to return borrowed items; as boundaries blur, impulsive acquisitiveness could sometimes lead to kleptomania or stealing
Overall, I think my level of hoarding is perfectly explained as the excessive acquisition of possessions and failure to use or discard them. My childhood and teenage years I was always a pack rat. I had a wonderful friend that would help me organize each year and I would let her help me throw out unnecessary items. But a yearly sweep is not enough for people. After my husband Chris and I moved into my parent’s home we decided that one day, when they had moved out their stuff we would do a clean sweep and make the home our own. After two years of waiting for them to remove their items, I grew tireless of not having our own space. We were so very grateful that our parents were letting us live in their home rent free (we only have to pay the bills) this helps us raise our daughter without working full time jobs. But we also were sad and frustrated that it didn’t feel like a home to us. This is when we decided to use some savings and hire an organizer. We would use this gift to ourselves for our birthdays and Christmas presents. I had been reading Shannon Cowan’s articles in the Stillwater Living Magazine on de-cluttering and organizing and thought she would be a perfect fit for us. I was very nervous when she came over to see our house but once we met her I knew she was the person for the job.
Shannon explained that we needed to respectfully store my parents stuff. It was not our “place” to sort and purge items that weren’t ours, even if they looked like trash to us. I made sure to tell her how much we loved my parents and were so very grateful for them letting us live in their house so we don’t want to make them mad or create bad blood between everyone. We did very well working with Shannon the first week. Making the office and front room our own, but I didn’t know we would create a storm within my parents. They suddenly didn’t want to come over anymore, they didn’t really want to talk to me, and when I mentioned the Organizing they started getting very anxious and tense. (my dad usually made daily stops to the house to see his Granddaughter)
But then I made a colossal mistake. My father had obtained a hot tub which had been sitting in our driveway for over 8 years. I am pretty sure that someone tried to pay their rent with the trade or barter, but to say the least it had been on a trailer in the driveway being a huge eyesore for over 8 years. In the sun, sleet, rain, snow, and did I mention the 100 degree days. The “new” pump had a cardboard box that had literally melted from all the rain and sun. He wanted me to sell it, and I tried. But then I gave up and listed it on Freecycle.org the Stillwater, OK division which I became a part of. I listed it as a hot tub, free to the person who can haul it off, must bring your own trailer and labor. The person who can come the soonest gets it. I had it called for in five minutes. A man in Agra, OK brought his brother and was going to give it to his wife for Christmas. They came at 6pm and left at 8pm. And the Hot Tub was GONE!!!!
Now I was ecstatic, the driveway eye sore was almost cleaned up. Chris and I also spent money on renting 2 dumpsters which we filled with my dad’s rusted pipes, broken parts, and many limbs and other unneeded items from the driveway and back of the house. We also put a broken dryer which was ours in the dumpsters but most of the stuff was my dad’s. (2,000 pounds of trash!)
When I told Shannon about getting rid of the Hot Tub she was like that is Awesome that your dad let you do that. And then I told her I did it without permission. So I was reminded we don’t purge items that aren’t ours to get rid of. My dad was okay with it when I broke the news to him and I was very thankful I didn’t start a huge hoarding fiasco.
The next week we worked on the garage, then the bedrooms, and the family room. We are still completing our “homework” of sorting through their stuff versus our stuff and getting rid of our stuff or donating it. I have given CDs, office supplies, desks, movies, VCR, DVD player, a mattress, a hot tub, books and kitchen supplies away on freecycle. I have donated over 8 trash bags of clothes and shoes, 4 bags of toys and baby clothes and a dollhouse that some little girl will love. Every time I give a bag to St. Andrew’s or Goodwill I feel a little bit of relief, like that bag of stuff was weighing on my heart. Our home is starting to feel really CLEAN and OPEN. Our goals are to have our home be inviting to our children to learn and play. We love the Montessori Method and want to have that theory implemented throughout our home.
Like I said we are still on our journey of becoming organized but by hiring Shannon we learned that it takes time and effort everyday, I also learned my favorite phrases “Is that item earning it’s space there” and “Bless someone else with that item you don’t love”. We have to defend our spaces and be proud of the work we have done. My parents think the house is looking great and they try to take stuff here and there but overall until they actually want to deal with their STUFF, nothing is going to really take any great leaps. If for some reason we were to leave this house, I think their stuff would just stay and accumulate unless they change something. My dad’s parents died and that might be one of the reason’s he is not “ready” to sort through stuff, but if he did he could really bless many people’s lives with items they might need! If we continue to stay we will continue to help them sort and organize everything until they are ready to deal with it. Someday I hope to be able to have a “home” for every item in my house, and I also hope that it doesn’t look cluttered! There is a Support Meeting called the Clutter Control Club 2nd Wednesday of each month at Noon at the Stillwater Public Library. If you want to talk to Shannon about organizing please tell her the Peters family sent you! Another great resource is flylady.net.
Shannon Cowan information:
405-880-2126
shannon@freshperspectiveorganizing.com
